A Hint of an Existential Crisis

The final hint of tropical moisture was removed from the air with a fine chemical mist as the flight attendants emptied their aerosol cans into the air to sterilize any hitchhiking mosquitoes. As the air-conditioned plane lifted off from the Entebbe airport I felt a mixture of relief, nostalgia and regret. I couldn’t help but feel just a hint of an existential crisis in the residual mixture of emotions left behind after spending August to December in Kampala. Although my expectations may have been unrealistic, on many levels, both personal and professional I question if there was any point to the exercise and whether the balance of good and bad, frustration and hope leveled out to a positive balance. The truth as, looking at the history of ASPIRE, a huge amount of progress has been made this year despite my questions as to the sustainability and local investment. Perhaps my goals for my time in Kisenyi were somewhat unrealistic.

After a few weeks in Europe for some much needed rumination and healing I found myself back at Hopkins, trying to drink in some knowledge from the Public Health fire hydrant. Its always an intense and exhausting experience but I found myself searching for mentors and perspective on how to direct my vocation in a way that will both be personally rewarding but actually contribute in a way other that just catching individual babies. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t need to save live ‘a million at a time’ like Hopkins claims to. As my wise spouse often quotes, “its not important to be important, its important to be useful.”