soul crushing
guilt
a sick sick mom
gorked baby?
how can my omission cause such catastrophe?
why did it happen?
a sleepless 32 hours
I had to talk to another family
whose brother's lung was full of blood
whose liver had failed
heading to the ICU
maybe excuses
maybe justification
stumbling from hospital in a daze
I didn't check on her
I went and slept
and woke
and dreamed
of people drowning in their lungs while I watched helpless
tragedy happens
and I have often stood and witnessed
counseled
listened
discussed
even helped
but not caused
I don't want my actions to matter this much
don't want my life to make a difference
my being has deadened
3 comments:
Oh my dear, I love you so much. This post is the content of all my nightmares. I wake up from the screeching beep of the monitors, alarms blazing. But you are not waking out of it, but into it. My deepest ache is with you, my greatest hopes, and my biggest hug.
ego te absuelvo
Con amor
Mom
Its like this kid, everyone hits bumps along the road, the problem for us [in medicine] is that when we hit a bump, its usually a person.
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