Psychosis NOS*

Well, I've had a hard life. I'm not gonna lie to you. Why would I lie? Would you lie? Sorry, I don't mean to accuse you or anything, its just that you don't know who you can trust. Everyone has their own motives you know. But yes, my life is hard. Its hard being this sought after. They watch me all the time you know. I see them drive by me in cars when I ride my bike to work, or sometimes they just follow me, not overtaking just so they can watch me. Do I think someone's going to harm me? Oh no! Of course not, well, maybe kidnap me for a ransom, but only because I'm so well connected. My dad was a cocaine trafficker in his younger years--this is off the record, right? Anyway, so he's pretty wealthy and then there's the 'celebrity by association' that I get from my job. What job? I'm surprised you don't know! I guess you don't read the news much. Angelina, I'm her agent. Its busy, well, and complicated. Its a long story, but the problem is she's actually got quite the crush on me, hard to handle, you know, professionalism is vital these days with media coverage being what it is. But Brad's a bit jealous, as he gets, of course I'm not interested in the slightest, all she's got is skin, bones, tatoos, and lips. They send me these messages that get me all rilled up though. No, not voicemail, they usually talk through the TV and tell me to do things. I don't like it. What do they ask me to do? Oh, things like making sure no bad press gets out about them. Sometimes I just get so MAD! Today I had to take all 'The Enquirer' magazines off the shelves in Safeway and burn them. Security and the fire department are such idiots, they just don't understand the brilliance behind my actions. Yeah, I think that's who drove me here. Why am I even talking to you?

Anyway, so I might move to Peru, people know me there as well, but at least I'd get away from Angelina and her crazy boyfriend. Geez. What would I do in Peru? You must only watch sitcoms. I'm next in line to the throne. You'd have to pay some good money to get this kind of interview with me there. No royal family in Peru? Did you even finish high school? Hello . . . the Inca royal family! Basically I'm a direct descendant of Inti Raimi. Yeah, so my job possibilities there are basically endless. I could work on my classical guitar career, yeah, I'm pretty good, I've played with some of the greats. Led Zepellin and I actually did a duet together on his last album.

Do I hear things that other people don't? How should I know, I don't know what other people hear, its not like I'm inside their head or anything! Would I ever hurt myself? Are you nuts?!? I have endless possibility, money, AND I'm famous, my life is great! Why else would all these people be monitoring my movements if I wasn't something special? I'm actually most likely going to be the next prime minister of Canada, yeah, Stevie Harper is on the way out, did you hear that throne speech? He's nuts. But God has really given me a lot of gifts, I think I'm up for the task, I'd feed those poor people and set up all sorts of social programs to end inequality in the world.

Pills? You want me to take pills? You think I'll fall for that one? I only eat organic things, and those are NOT organic, I don't want to put chemicals into my body! Besides how do I know I can trust you? You keep on asking these weird questions, maybe you should see a psychiatrist. I get one phone call, right? I'm calling Angelina, and boy, is she ever gonna be pissed at you!


* not otherwise specified