My sister came to visit last week, I hadn't seen her since April. Post-call we went for what are advertised as 'the best' cinnamon buns in Vancouver and she listened to the exhausted kid sister who wishes she wasn't a doctor and doesn't really know how she'll survive residency or ever be in a healthy relationship. Then we hit IKEA so she could re-design my room. I had an unexplainable attraction to every single bed I saw, it was like a strong magnetic pull. She patiently pulled me out of each one I crawled into until we eventually got to the picture frame section where my energy was suddenly revived. I didn't have to be funny . . . or even awake apparently, she would still hang out with me in all my grumpy, sleepy, post-callness.
I managed to meet up with her for lunch on Davie street, just next to the hospital one day. She laughed at my scrubs and openly mocked me for wearing them in public. Of course, I hadn't had time to change clothes AND have lunch with her, how picky can you get?!? But she knows me. Underneath the Dr. name tag, stethoscope and greens I'm just a sister, as vulnerable, human, and mock-able as ever. And it felt good just to be me with no labels and no explanations.
On Galiano island, together we joked about the watery hippie chai they sold at the craft market, lacking in both substance and spice. My sister being the ultimate chai expert having drunk it on dodgy Indian trains in ceramic mugs. We read Harry Potter to each other on the beach with several smiles in our direction from passers-by. Then we did a rather soggy hike along a coast-line ridge, misty and beautiful. We were told it was a 'dry' rain . . . I still haven't got the west coast lingo down apparently since I have no idea how that describes pouring rain.
We talked about the past and the future, our hopes and fears, I laughed until my eyes watered. I was reminded of the power of being known and loved by someone. In the midst of the excitement and exhilaration of moving to an amazing new place, starting an overwhelming, scary, (and fantastic) new job you can sometimes push the loneliness away but it always pops up. My life seems like a never-ending cycle; wake-up, get on bike, work, come home, eat, run or bike, collapse into bed, then start over. I miss being known. I miss filling my time with people instead of activities. Which is why it was so good to remember that I am known. There may not be a tangible presence that I can touch, but I am known.
1 comment:
Glad your sister could be there to remind you that you are known and loved. Let's keep trying with the phone tag so I can have my say too.
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